Why Are You Really Here? Let’s Talk Honesty

Why are you here?

I remember the first time someone asked me this:

“Why are you here?”

And then they followed it up with:

“No… why are you really here?”

Honestly? I was a bit put out. I thought I’d answered them the first time. But nope. They asked again, and then again. And that’s when it hit me…

I wasn’t actually telling the truth - not to them, and definitely not to myself.

I wasn’t being honest about how much I needed support. I was doing that very British thing:
“Sorry to bother you, I’m fine really, but if you have a minute to just listen to me ramble that would be lovely… unless you’re too busy, of course.”

Jeez. Just ASK.

The truth? I was overwhelmed. I felt stuck. And I didn’t want to admit it.

It wasn’t until I started getting candid, with myself first, then with others, that things started to shift.

At this point I need to give a shout-out to Laura Evans: “The presenting problem is rarely the real problem”… yep, that one hit deep and still rings true today.

Why do we avoid the real reason?

We avoid it for a few classic reasons:

• We’re dodging something uncomfortable

• We’re hiding behind something safer

• We don’t feel confident enough to admit what we really need

Sound familiar?

We love a good label, too. Introvert, overthinker, control freak, people pleaser… chucking a label on it makes it easier to ignore the real stuff underneath.

But underneath it all, most people who come to me have the same issue - they just don’t know where to start.

Whether it’s life, business, a total crossroads or just feeling lost in the noise… they need a bit of perspective, clarity, and a nudge in the right direction.

The real work? That starts with getting CANDID

I created my 6 C’s of Coaching framework to make this process less overwhelming and more real. Because the answers are in you already, you just need a framework that lets you get out of your own way.

It starts with being Candid: being super honest with yourself. Not in a harsh, self-critical way, but in a no-BS, say-it-out-loud kind of way.

Once you’ve nailed that, the rest follows:

Clarity: Get clear on what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Clear: Strip it all back. Define what you truly want — and what you don’t.

Creative: Unlock new ideas and possibilities you haven’t considered yet.

Courageous: Do the brave thing. Say it, ask for it, go for it.

Consistent: Keep going, even when things wobble. Progress loves persistence.

Real clients, real stories

I had one client who came to me because she had no idea where to start with a business idea.

She knew what she wanted but didn’t know where to start.

Having started a multi million pound large bricks and mortar business with a large team, that made some mistakes, took some big opportunities and then sold that business I was able to share the highs, lows all the bits in between and support her on her way.

Another client came to me because she was basically unfocused.

Well that’s what she thought (remember the presenting problem is rarely the real problem!)

We worked on how to be productive and we got her back to being herself.

After just 3 sessions she was feeling fabulous again, just by going back to basics and keeping things simple.

What gets in the way?

In order to really be honest with yourself, we need to appreciate things that may be blocking us.

This could be a number of things…

Limiting beliefs (I can’t, I’m not good enough, I don’t have the money/time)

Knowledge (If you were ever told that you ask too many questions, then my advice to you is keep asking more! The more we ask, the more we learn, the more we grow)

Fear (Fear presents itself in many ways, fear of failure, fear of growing, fear of success)

Our past (Your past is not your future. It has possibly shaped you to where you are today, and you know what, that is ok. We can’t change it, we CAN make your future how you want it to be)

The Future (Do you look ahead and get excited? scared? nervous? It’s all normal, the fear of what the future can bring is limitless. You can make it what YOU want)

Money (Oh, the money block! Ok, so how does money make you feel? Don’t have enough? Want more? Want less?)

Confidence (The biggy that I come across the most. Confidence is a learnt behaviour. Does it feel a bit arrogant to you? Do you look at others and think I wish I had their confidence? What if it made you feel strong, powerful and full of excitement instead?)

Comparing (The dreaded comparisonitus! Are other people making you feel blocked? Do we really know what is going on behind closed doors? Does it matter? Let’s focus on YOU and see what you can achieve)

We need to look at what’s causing these these blockers.

Did you know we were only born with TWO fears, yes only two!

1. A fear of falling
2. Fear of loud noises

Everything else is learnt behaviour, so you’ve borrowed it from someone or picked up their traits and decided to call them yours. Again, this is normal. Doesn’t make it right. 

Good news, we can unlearn that behaviour and reset and change habits that have caused those annoying behaviours to get in our way!

Unlearning behaviours isn’t rocket science, it’s about how you choose to change normally long established traits that we’ve had for some time and how you can really believe in instilling new ones.

If you are willing to create positive habits then it will feel easy. So ask yourself, do I WANT to do it or do I feel like I SHOULD? If it’s the should then we’ll need to reframe that. 

I’ve Been There Too…

Here’s me being candid with you...

I remember three occasions:

• One in 2016;
• One in 2019, and;
• One in 2020 (which really led me to getting honest with myself about what I wanted and needed.) 

Let me share these scenarios in brief to you:

2016 – My first Ectopic pregnancy

I was very close to death, I was in a very bad place.

My multi million pound retail business was in the final growth stage. I tried to work through this experience, I look back now and it was only after about 3 months I was able to stop my mind from being so busy, trying to get on.

I went to see a counsellor.

The thing that really stuck in my mind was these words she shared with me “Be kind to yourself”.

I did for some time. I did all the things. I got through. I remember I was completely open and honest in those sessions.

I knew I needed help and I took everything I could. Funnily, now, I couldn’t be less interested in any type of counselling! 

2019 – I sold that large retail business 

In case you don’t know it was @flyingTiger .

I was 100% lost.

I had gone from having a big team, lots of support, to being alone.

I hadn’t put any exit strategies in place as I was recovering from a second ectopic pregnancy (yep, again, and in huge recovery stage again!)

I knew I had to reach out this time, I chatted to the incredible @Andrea Callanan who made me step into my own space again.

I worked on doing what I LOVED. I felt calm, lighter and supported.

What a coach she was and still is to me!

2020 – Ok so everyone knows this year, the start of the global pandemic.

It was also the year I had twin girls.

Yep, a new mum (after a heart-breaking long 5 year journey to have a family), to having twins in a global pandemic with ZERO support.

Woooahhhh, couldn’t have made it up!

I didn’t reach out this time, I didn’t for months. I wasn’t honest with myself, I was in a state of shock, like the rest of the world no doubt.

This time I did something VERY different.

I listened to my husband and decided to go on a weekend training to learn all about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)…well that was that.

I spent a few more years, thousands of pounds and LOTS of time learning all the things about our brain and how we have not been honest with ourselves for quite some time.

That weekend rewired my brain.

So let me ask you…

Why are you really here?

If your answer isn’t sitting quite right with you, then maybe it’s time to dig deeper.

Let’s cut the fluff, drop the labels, and get to what’s actually going on.

My 6 C’s of Coaching self-guided framework is a powerful way to do just that - in your own time, at your own pace, with no judgment and lots of support.

Are you ready to get honest and start moving forward?

Explore the 6 C’s Framework here and let’s figure this out, together.

Hels x